Getting Good at the Pivot

Travel plans changed, and so we pivot... again

Since 2020, I’ve realized that one of the most important skills I’ve gained is getting good at the pivot.

We were living in Southern California, living “our best life.” But were we? I was already having literal dreams of living under oak trees, engaging in a slower life, and offering my children a different kind of culture where they wouldn’t know whose mom drove what kind of fancy car. We never imagined our life away from where we grew up. James and I moved closer to home when we got married so our kids would be raised near our childhood friends and family. And that was so wonderful while it lasted. It’s the only thing we miss besides the proximity to the ocean.

When the pandemic hit, James was working long hours trying to continue to build his business with so many new roadblocks imposed by the state as we navigated the unknown. While he had found some success, he knew raising three kids in Orange County would require more of him.

I was at home with those wonderful and wonderfully energetic three children, five and under, struggling to find myself amidst the constant outpouring of self that raising tiny humans requires of you. Continuing my education, practicing my new professional skills, waking in the early hours, and taking meetings when I was able to rely on family support in an attempt to build my own private practice was like spinning plates that came crashing down when our community went into lockdown.

My career dreams took a backseat, the kids were home from school, and there was so much fear circulating that we didn’t dare expose our older parents to our kiddos, so any support was no longer available. The park in our neighborhood was closed, with caution tape wrapped around the jungle gym. Our only outings were walks around the block, and I had to go grocery shopping when my husband returned from work, which he could only do because, as a healthcare provider, he was considered an essential worker. We were required to wear masks and stand six feet away from the next person as I waited in line to be let into the store to shop since only a few people could enter at a time.

Talk about a pivot. Everything about our lifestyle changed in a matter of days. I was in so much shock I wasn’t able to fully grasp how much grief I was experiencing. I think that is something we continue to navigate collectively: the grief we had to suppress to survive the global unknown. We couldn’t stop long enough to feel the weight of what was happening because we were too busy figuring out how to keep going. Looking back now, I can see just how much we were carrying.

But we made it. We came out the other side, while so many others did not. So much was lost and yet, we are able to gather together in celebration once again. It seems like a strange reality to remember wondering if we would ever go to concerts or fly on airplanes again, but here we are… back to the days of Coachella and ACL. Music festivals survived right alongside us.

Navigating this extreme time in history activated the thing deep in my heart that knew we needed a change. The pandemic wasn’t the reason we moved away from our hometown, but it was the call to action. It’s been the biggest pivot of our lives to pick up and move across the country with our kids. It gave me more grit and strength to face my fears of the unknown with a resilient spirit that knows she can do the hard things life throws at her.

I believe this grit is what helped me face the pain of my car accident and get up each day to do my physical therapy exercises. It’s what has offered me the strength and confidence to trust that I could answer the call to homeschool my daughter, who was struggling in the different school environments we tried. It’s what helped us bravely step away from the comfort we’d created to take the leap into a new business venture at the same time we decided to travel the world. Is it going to work? Who knows, but we do have faith that we will land on our feet because we’ve had to pivot away from our expected path again and again. Even when it’s been hard, it hasn’t broken us. We’re still here.

So, with as much excitement as we had around our original travel plans to go to Italy and Spain next year, we find ourselves pivoting once again. Unfortunately, our visa status was unclear, so we’ve changed our trajectory and we’re headed to Spain first and then… Japan!

I’ve had to let go of my great Italian chapter, where I sip on cappuccino until noon and eat pasta at every meal. I won’t pretend I wasn’t disappointed. But there’s purpose and meaning in this shift. I spent eighteen months in Japan when I was nineteen and twenty, working for Disney, and James spent six months in Spain in his early twenties, immersing himself in the culture and becoming fluent in the language. These are the countries that helped shape who we are today, and now we get to share them with each other and our kids. What an absolute blessing this pivot turned out to be.

We can focus on what we are losing or we can focus on what we are gaining. It’s up to us. Each time life asks us to pivot, there is loss and gain, pain and beauty, but always growth and transformation. Can we hold both while focusing on what supports our eventual emergence from the cocoon to spread our wings? I believe we can.

If we look around, we live in a different world than we did before March of 2020. We have lost so much. But can you consider what that pivot gave you? What you learned about yourself? Who you became in the face of massive change? Every pivot offers us an opportunity to get to know ourselves and our patterns with more clarity. It holds up a mirror, but we have to be willing to look and be present with what we see. Then we can appreciate what is working for us and rearrange what is not.

Every pivot has reminded me that life can ask everything of us without taking who we are. It may change our plans. It may change our direction. But if we’re willing to look in the mirror, every pivot leaves us knowing ourselves a little more deeply than before.