My Jumpy Nervous System Saved My Life Again Yesterday

How hypervigilence and gratitude coexist while healing.

My jumpy nervous system saved my life again yesterday.

I was driving my daughter to her homeschool group on a two lane country road. It was a beautiful spring day and we were enjoying music together when I noticed a large truck coming toward us in the opposite direction begin to swerve. At first I assumed it would correct itself, but as it got closer, I realized it wasn’t moving back into its lane.

In the final seconds before impact, my body reacted before my mind could fully catch up. I honked and instinctively swerved into the ditch on the side of the road. Somehow, I was able to pull the car back onto the road before going so deep into the ditch that we could have flipped. The moment the car steadied again, I just started bawling.

My daughter looked over at me, worried, and asked, “Mom, are you okay?” “Yes,” I told her through tears. I asked if she was okay. “That was really scary,” she said, “but I’m okay.”

Since my accident in February, my nervous system lights up with signals of danger while I’m driving, often.

Some triggers make sense, like once when I was driving through the intersection where I got hit. It was raining and dark, and as I passed through, the light turned yellow and my heart started pounding like I wasn’t going to make it. Even though I was clearly and legally driving through at an appropriate time, my body threw up warnings anyway. A pounding heart. Tightening shoulders. Hypervigilance that stayed with me long after I got home and kept me awake through the night.

Some triggers make less sense, like when a car is far ahead of me stopped at a light to my left and suddenly my belly grips, my eyes widen, and my whole body reacts as if the car is coming toward me, even when it is obviously nowhere close. Either way, what I know and understand is that I’m dysregulated.

Nervous system dysregulation is not simply a system on high alert. Dysregulation happens when the nervous system continues to lead with responses that are a mismatch to the actual experience you are having, rather than the historical experience your body expects you to have. And right now, two and a half months after almost losing my life, it makes sense that my brain and body are working overtime to keep me from experiencing that particular flavor of trauma again.

Being able to witness myself carry this trauma has been the opportunity of my life. I am learning through experience what I need in order to let go.

Here are some things that have helped so far:

Regular chiropractic care (I just so happen to share a bed with the best one on the planet, so I’m a very lucky lady…)

Yoga, as uncomfortable as it is now compared to before the accident, I can feel it helping my tissues move and rebalance after the significant damage in my legs.

Time outside.

PEMF mat time.

Walking.

Eating whole, balancing foods.

Pausing intermittent fasting.

Stepping back from certain responsibilities that feel like too much.

Giving energy to projects I genuinely care about.

Reading.

Writing.

Taking action in my community by speaking with the mayor and police chief about what I can do about my case.

You see, healing is a process and a practice of slowly coming back to life. It is working with the nervous system response and learning to understand it rather than judge yourself for it- recognizing that it’s not personal, it’s biological. It is being committed to getting to know this version of you and offering grace and space to do the hard work of slowing down and giving your nervous system a new experience of safety when possible. It means saying no to things you once said yes to and yes to things you don’t necessarily feel like doing but you know it will support you. It’s hard to see that the protection of your nervous system has a place when it creates new challenges. This can create discord or it can be the opportunity of a lifetime. Ultimately it is a choice. It’s where we relearn agency.

So here I am, living into a rebalancing act one day at a time and honoring my nervous system by saying, “Thank you. I see you trying to protect me,” while remembering that the activation she leads with is also the very thing that kept me alive, again. I am here today because of it, and I’m so grateful.